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Hello all,
It's been a while.
Wow what can I say, what a rollercoaster of a couple years it has been... Let's catch you up quickly, I've been in and out of yet another toxic relationship, and several situationships, changed roles at work, got certified as a coach, bought my own place, had two more rounds of therapy, started a coaching instagram and had several breakdowns... But it's all good, we made it here!
I'm not sure on the significance of this blog post, but as I sit here in a pub garden on yet another downward spiral on this mental health journey, I had the urge to write... I also had the urge to order a FAT glass of white wine at the pub but alas, I'm sitting here with a coffee.
One of the things I feel I am struggling a lot with at the moment is loneliness. So I guess I can talk about that for a bit.
When I think of someone that's lonely, I tend to think of that Bridget Jones scene where she's sitting on her own singing her heart out to All By Myself by Celine Dion... It's emotional, it's bleak, and it's a sort of 'laugh or you'll cry' situation. Funnily enough I was sitting in the bath the other day, when my spotify shuffle started playing that exact song and as I sung it out in my tub, I thought, god, my poor neighbours must think what on earth! What a sad little life she must lead (Come Dine With Me reference there, IYKYK). Anyway, that's pretty stereotypical of what I think loneliness is, and my life isn't that stereotypically lonely, but yet I am feeling lonely a hell of a lot.
I have a lot of friends, I go on dates, I have a caring and loving family, I have a busy work life which is filled with meetings. And yet from the moment I wake up to when I go to sleep i'm more or less alone, and lonely.
I've lived on my own now since the end of October last year, and I feel like since living on my own, I've done everything in my power to not actually physically be on my own or be alone mentally. I scroll Instagram or TikTiok for hours, binge watch Netflix (whilst multitasking scrolling), I binge drink, I have friends over, I stay at friends, I go and work in the office or in coffee shops, I spend a lot of time at my parents still, I call my friends a lot, I make plans like there's no tomorrow just to avoid being on my own and feeling lonely.
I realised after a pretty deep and intense chat with my therapist in January that I was doing everything I could to avoid being alone with myself, with my thoughts, with my emotions.
Granted even after realising this, it's now March and I vowed to change my ways and that lasted about a week before going back to my usual coping strategies. HOWEVER, I am determined this time to learn what's like to be truly alone and feel comfortable being alone.
It all comes down to what my own perception of being alone really is. Growing up we're conditioned to want to be in a relationship, get married, start a family. And yes whilst this is great, it makes the thought of being alone, sort of like a failure, like you've not won at life, like your life is bleak or just isn't as good as those who aren't alone.
Not only this, it's simply in our DNA and genetics that since cavemen times, we've always moved around in tribes, in packs. So when it comes to being alone, it just doesn't feel comfortable, we feel like we're an outcast or not accepted.
I'm trying my best at the moment to become aware of my thoughts around being alone and what exactly about is triggering me to feel so lonely.
I'm journalling a lot to get to the root of why I have such a negative bias towards being on my own.
'Cause let's be honest, being alone is actually f**cking great! I get to do whatever I want, whenever I want. I have 2 hour long baths, lay in bed for hours and read. I only have my own energy to deal with and don't have to be affected by others if they are negative and it's easier to protect my own energy. I have so much time to work on myself, self-develop, indulge in passions & interests, I get to deepen all my friendships and relationships with family members that I probably wouldn't have as much time for if I wasn't alone. I spend a lot of time on cooking nice meals (whilst singing to Beyonce) and eating well, feeding my body with so much nutritious food that I can then use as fuel on the all the workouts and long walks I have time for.
It really ain't all that bad.
I'm working on changing the narrative of being alone. I'm working on being happy with just me, all by myself.
I've written this because during a journalling session this morning, I answered a question on loneliness which was, 'What can you do to find more connection?'
The answer was writing. I love to write, I feel good when I write and I feel even better if other people can resonate with my writing.
It's good to be back and I hope you've enjoyed reading and continue to follow me on my little lonely journey!
All the best,
Hannah xxx
A little lonely life...
Hello all,
It's been a while.
Wow what can I say, what a rollercoaster of a couple years it has been... Let's catch you up quickly, I've been in and out of yet another toxic relationship, and several situationships, changed roles at work, got certified as a coach, bought my own place, had two more rounds of therapy, started a coaching instagram and had several breakdowns... But it's all good, we made it here!
I'm not sure on the significance of this blog post, but as I sit here in a pub garden on yet another downward spiral on this mental health journey, I had the urge to write... I also had the urge to order a FAT glass of white wine at the pub but alas, I'm sitting here with a coffee.
One of the things I feel I am struggling a lot with at the moment is loneliness. So I guess I can talk about that for a bit.
When I think of someone that's lonely, I tend to think of that Bridget Jones scene where she's sitting on her own singing her heart out to All By Myself by Celine Dion... It's emotional, it's bleak, and it's a sort of 'laugh or you'll cry' situation. Funnily enough I was sitting in the bath the other day, when my spotify shuffle started playing that exact song and as I sung it out in my tub, I thought, god, my poor neighbours must think what on earth! What a sad little life she must lead (Come Dine With Me reference there, IYKYK). Anyway, that's pretty stereotypical of what I think loneliness is, and my life isn't that stereotypically lonely, but yet I am feeling lonely a hell of a lot.
I have a lot of friends, I go on dates, I have a caring and loving family, I have a busy work life which is filled with meetings. And yet from the moment I wake up to when I go to sleep i'm more or less alone, and lonely.
I've lived on my own now since the end of October last year, and I feel like since living on my own, I've done everything in my power to not actually physically be on my own or be alone mentally. I scroll Instagram or TikTiok for hours, binge watch Netflix (whilst multitasking scrolling), I binge drink, I have friends over, I stay at friends, I go and work in the office or in coffee shops, I spend a lot of time at my parents still, I call my friends a lot, I make plans like there's no tomorrow just to avoid being on my own and feeling lonely.
I realised after a pretty deep and intense chat with my therapist in January that I was doing everything I could to avoid being alone with myself, with my thoughts, with my emotions.
Granted even after realising this, it's now March and I vowed to change my ways and that lasted about a week before going back to my usual coping strategies. HOWEVER, I am determined this time to learn what's like to be truly alone and feel comfortable being alone.
It all comes down to what my own perception of being alone really is. Growing up we're conditioned to want to be in a relationship, get married, start a family. And yes whilst this is great, it makes the thought of being alone, sort of like a failure, like you've not won at life, like your life is bleak or just isn't as good as those who aren't alone.
Not only this, it's simply in our DNA and genetics that since cavemen times, we've always moved around in tribes, in packs. So when it comes to being alone, it just doesn't feel comfortable, we feel like we're an outcast or not accepted.
I'm trying my best at the moment to become aware of my thoughts around being alone and what exactly about is triggering me to feel so lonely.
I'm journalling a lot to get to the root of why I have such a negative bias towards being on my own.
'Cause let's be honest, being alone is actually f**cking great! I get to do whatever I want, whenever I want. I have 2 hour long baths, lay in bed for hours and read. I only have my own energy to deal with and don't have to be affected by others if they are negative and it's easier to protect my own energy. I have so much time to work on myself, self-develop, indulge in passions & interests, I get to deepen all my friendships and relationships with family members that I probably wouldn't have as much time for if I wasn't alone. I spend a lot of time on cooking nice meals (whilst singing to Beyonce) and eating well, feeding my body with so much nutritious food that I can then use as fuel on the all the workouts and long walks I have time for.
It really ain't all that bad.
I'm working on changing the narrative of being alone. I'm working on being happy with just me, all by myself.
I've written this because during a journalling session this morning, I answered a question on loneliness which was, 'What can you do to find more connection?'
The answer was writing. I love to write, I feel good when I write and I feel even better if other people can resonate with my writing.
It's good to be back and I hope you've enjoyed reading and continue to follow me on my little lonely journey!
All the best,
Hannah xxx
Okay, whilst I cannot say that in any way, shape or form Coronavirus has any positives - because that is just bloody ludicrous. I can say that I think lockdown has.
You know, Boris did his little chat earlier this week, which as we are all very aware made the Da Vinchi Code look easy to crack...nevertheless though we are still a long way until normal life resumes and as I was going on a massive long walk the other week, listening to some podcasts to uplift my mood, I was trying to put together a mental list of all the positives that have been a result of the lockdown. So here they are;
You know, Boris did his little chat earlier this week, which as we are all very aware made the Da Vinchi Code look easy to crack...nevertheless though we are still a long way until normal life resumes and as I was going on a massive long walk the other week, listening to some podcasts to uplift my mood, I was trying to put together a mental list of all the positives that have been a result of the lockdown. So here they are;
Reconnecting with Nature
Without fail I was taking full advantage of my one outing a day. To go for a long walk, run or cycle ride and it has been bliss. I've completely been in the moment and sucked up all the beauty that nature has to offer me.
I don't know if it's because of slowing down, because I am more grateful for this time outside or purely because it's Spring! But, I have noticed so much on these outings. All of the different colours of flowers, leaves on the trees, backdrops and views in places I have walked 100000 times but never noticed before. It's crazy.
I love seeing how many people are out also (social distancing though obvs), all just walking, running or whatever and taking in the sunshine. Enjoying their moment of bliss. We no longer have gyms to go to and I truly think this is a great opportunity to come to terms with how much better it is to exercise outside in nature; not just for your physical health but for your mental health too.
Reconnecting with Family
How on earth my parents and I haven't had more arguments during the lockdown I have no idea! It's currently day 42 (FUCK! FORTY TWO DAYS) for us socially isolating and I can't even count one proper argument we've had...Yes, there's been days where one of us is irritable and lethargic of the monotony of everyday...but we haven't taken it out on each other and it's been wonderful to live in a house right now that is somewhat positive, albeit it a little bit crazy.
I was due to move out literally around the end of April and obviously that's been postponed with the pandemic which is really upsetting. However, in a way i'm feeling grateful for this extra time I get to spend with my parents....because as soon as lockdown is over - I'M OUTTA HERE! Haha just kidding (sort of...) I know though, that I'll never get this time back and so to spend a little bit longer living here in a room i've made my own and I'm comfortable in, with people who (obviously) love me, well it isn't all bad hey!
I just want to do a little shoutout here to all the people I know that are and have been living in lockdown or shielding on their own. I honestly couldn't have done it and I take my hat off to you for managing to cope with everything that comes with it.
I just want to do a little shoutout here to all the people I know that are and have been living in lockdown or shielding on their own. I honestly couldn't have done it and I take my hat off to you for managing to cope with everything that comes with it.
Being more mindful and slowing down
I am just one of those people that feels they have to stay busy and do some productive things throughout the day to gain a sense of achievement and satisfaction which will then have a positive knock-on affect for my mental health. And yeah so, it's fair to say in the first couple of weeks of lockdown I was one of those that was like RIGHT i'm going to get this, this and THIS done. I'm gonna be super productive and use this time wisely, I'll bake cakes and become a pianist, I will write a book, a play, songs, I will be a YouTube and TikTok SENSATION yahdeyahdeyah....but as the weeks have gone on I am literally just like **oh Fuuuuck thatttttt**
I am just one of those people that feels they have to stay busy and do some productive things throughout the day to gain a sense of achievement and satisfaction which will then have a positive knock-on affect for my mental health. And yeah so, it's fair to say in the first couple of weeks of lockdown I was one of those that was like RIGHT i'm going to get this, this and THIS done. I'm gonna be super productive and use this time wisely, I'll bake cakes and become a pianist, I will write a book, a play, songs, I will be a YouTube and TikTok SENSATION yahdeyahdeyah....but as the weeks have gone on I am literally just like **oh Fuuuuck thatttttt**
I have actually really enjoyed and now have come to making the most of just slowing down and spending some days just not doing very much, just pottering about the house and getting odd jobs done like the washing...and do you know what, that's enough for the day. I've liked making my to-do lists and then mehhh if I don't finish them, so what? They'll still be there tomorrow.
I've enjoyed being able to wake up in the morning and gauge how I am feeling and what I actually want and need from the day ahead. I've learnt to celebrate the small wins instead...oh I've managed to finish a chapter of my book, oh I managed to get tan lines whilst laying in the sun, fuck it - I've actually washed my hair today. All great wins in my eyes!
With slowing down I've been able to take more time to 'go within' and get to know myself better. Now is as good time as any to realise how to look after yourself and get in touch with your emotions! On top of the usual meditations and gratitude lists I collate, I've started journalling. I've never really done it before, but i've noticed it's a great way to ease anxiety if i'm having an off day because once i've written everything down and it's sitting there on the page in-front of me, it's out of my head and it doesn't seem so bad anymore.
With slowing down I've been able to take more time to 'go within' and get to know myself better. Now is as good time as any to realise how to look after yourself and get in touch with your emotions! On top of the usual meditations and gratitude lists I collate, I've started journalling. I've never really done it before, but i've noticed it's a great way to ease anxiety if i'm having an off day because once i've written everything down and it's sitting there on the page in-front of me, it's out of my head and it doesn't seem so bad anymore.
Togetherness
How great is it that when you are out on your daily walks/runs/skips or whatever, there is such a sense of mutual togetherness when passing people in the street. The nods, smiles and hellos mean so much more now and I feel like everyone is appreciating any little bit of social interaction that little bit more. Which I think is great!
While running and I see all of the rainbows scribbled on pieces of paper stuck on the front windows of people's houses and teddybears being propped up on window ledges for the world to see. I can't help but have a boost in my morale just thinking about and physically seeing the unity & support this lockdown has encouraged in all of us.
While running and I see all of the rainbows scribbled on pieces of paper stuck on the front windows of people's houses and teddybears being propped up on window ledges for the world to see. I can't help but have a boost in my morale just thinking about and physically seeing the unity & support this lockdown has encouraged in all of us.
Books
I have always wanted to get back into reading but probably like a lot of people, never thought I 'had enough time'. There is so much escapism you can gain from a good book which makes isolation the perfect time to do so. I've finally been picking up those books that have been gathering dust on my shelf and losing myself completely in another world. I've loved it. So much so, I've joined a Book Club that one of my friends put together and it's definitely made me remember how incredible reading is. I'll definitely be taking this with me after the lockdown has completely eased off and vow to never let myself believe i'm too time-poor for it again!
I have always wanted to get back into reading but probably like a lot of people, never thought I 'had enough time'. There is so much escapism you can gain from a good book which makes isolation the perfect time to do so. I've finally been picking up those books that have been gathering dust on my shelf and losing myself completely in another world. I've loved it. So much so, I've joined a Book Club that one of my friends put together and it's definitely made me remember how incredible reading is. I'll definitely be taking this with me after the lockdown has completely eased off and vow to never let myself believe i'm too time-poor for it again!
Gratitude
All that's left to say is that like my last post on gratitude, the lockdown has taught us ultimate gratefulness for our 'normal' lives. It goes without saying that we are all grateful for the small things, with how much we want these small things back. Not just this though, there are things I used to take for granted which now, in lockdown, makes a normal day, a really great day. The weather for example. If it's the weekend and the sun is actually shining, jesus how great is that. I would NEVER have cared pre-lockdown, now I realise how these little things can have a huge impact day-to-day and in which I won't be taking for granted again!
I also believe one of the huge positives from the lockdown is that in some ways, it has forced people who look to external outlets for escapism and distraction from their normal lives, to actually just sit at home and look in the mirror. To slow down, look within and to assess what we are even doing with our lives and why we feel the need to be so busy all the time, what are we avoiding?...am I happy, am I in a rut, am I in a never-ending cycle of making the same decisions but expecting a different outcome, am I showing up everyday as the best version of me?
As a collective right now, we have had to surrender to the universe and to what it has in store for us. It's made us realise how much lack of control we really have over our lives and why, in a world full of uncertainty right now, you can be thankful for the things you are certain about. Your family, your friends, your hope, your love.
Ultimately. it should make us realise there is an easier way to live. Less stresses if we just focus less on the things we can't control. If we are grateful for the things we can. If we take each day as it comes and don't over analyse everything...we will be living in a much happier place.
Searching for the positives...
Okay, whilst I cannot say that in any way, shape or form Coronavirus has any positives - because that is just bloody ludicrous. I can say that I think lockdown has.
You know, Boris did his little chat earlier this week, which as we are all very aware made the Da Vinchi Code look easy to crack...nevertheless though we are still a long way until normal life resumes and as I was going on a massive long walk the other week, listening to some podcasts to uplift my mood, I was trying to put together a mental list of all the positives that have been a result of the lockdown. So here they are;
You know, Boris did his little chat earlier this week, which as we are all very aware made the Da Vinchi Code look easy to crack...nevertheless though we are still a long way until normal life resumes and as I was going on a massive long walk the other week, listening to some podcasts to uplift my mood, I was trying to put together a mental list of all the positives that have been a result of the lockdown. So here they are;
Reconnecting with Nature
Without fail I was taking full advantage of my one outing a day. To go for a long walk, run or cycle ride and it has been bliss. I've completely been in the moment and sucked up all the beauty that nature has to offer me.
I don't know if it's because of slowing down, because I am more grateful for this time outside or purely because it's Spring! But, I have noticed so much on these outings. All of the different colours of flowers, leaves on the trees, backdrops and views in places I have walked 100000 times but never noticed before. It's crazy.
I love seeing how many people are out also (social distancing though obvs), all just walking, running or whatever and taking in the sunshine. Enjoying their moment of bliss. We no longer have gyms to go to and I truly think this is a great opportunity to come to terms with how much better it is to exercise outside in nature; not just for your physical health but for your mental health too.
Reconnecting with Family
How on earth my parents and I haven't had more arguments during the lockdown I have no idea! It's currently day 42 (FUCK! FORTY TWO DAYS) for us socially isolating and I can't even count one proper argument we've had...Yes, there's been days where one of us is irritable and lethargic of the monotony of everyday...but we haven't taken it out on each other and it's been wonderful to live in a house right now that is somewhat positive, albeit it a little bit crazy.
I was due to move out literally around the end of April and obviously that's been postponed with the pandemic which is really upsetting. However, in a way i'm feeling grateful for this extra time I get to spend with my parents....because as soon as lockdown is over - I'M OUTTA HERE! Haha just kidding (sort of...) I know though, that I'll never get this time back and so to spend a little bit longer living here in a room i've made my own and I'm comfortable in, with people who (obviously) love me, well it isn't all bad hey!
I just want to do a little shoutout here to all the people I know that are and have been living in lockdown or shielding on their own. I honestly couldn't have done it and I take my hat off to you for managing to cope with everything that comes with it.
I just want to do a little shoutout here to all the people I know that are and have been living in lockdown or shielding on their own. I honestly couldn't have done it and I take my hat off to you for managing to cope with everything that comes with it.
Being more mindful and slowing down
I am just one of those people that feels they have to stay busy and do some productive things throughout the day to gain a sense of achievement and satisfaction which will then have a positive knock-on affect for my mental health. And yeah so, it's fair to say in the first couple of weeks of lockdown I was one of those that was like RIGHT i'm going to get this, this and THIS done. I'm gonna be super productive and use this time wisely, I'll bake cakes and become a pianist, I will write a book, a play, songs, I will be a YouTube and TikTok SENSATION yahdeyahdeyah....but as the weeks have gone on I am literally just like **oh Fuuuuck thatttttt**
I am just one of those people that feels they have to stay busy and do some productive things throughout the day to gain a sense of achievement and satisfaction which will then have a positive knock-on affect for my mental health. And yeah so, it's fair to say in the first couple of weeks of lockdown I was one of those that was like RIGHT i'm going to get this, this and THIS done. I'm gonna be super productive and use this time wisely, I'll bake cakes and become a pianist, I will write a book, a play, songs, I will be a YouTube and TikTok SENSATION yahdeyahdeyah....but as the weeks have gone on I am literally just like **oh Fuuuuck thatttttt**
I have actually really enjoyed and now have come to making the most of just slowing down and spending some days just not doing very much, just pottering about the house and getting odd jobs done like the washing...and do you know what, that's enough for the day. I've liked making my to-do lists and then mehhh if I don't finish them, so what? They'll still be there tomorrow.
I've enjoyed being able to wake up in the morning and gauge how I am feeling and what I actually want and need from the day ahead. I've learnt to celebrate the small wins instead...oh I've managed to finish a chapter of my book, oh I managed to get tan lines whilst laying in the sun, fuck it - I've actually washed my hair today. All great wins in my eyes!
With slowing down I've been able to take more time to 'go within' and get to know myself better. Now is as good time as any to realise how to look after yourself and get in touch with your emotions! On top of the usual meditations and gratitude lists I collate, I've started journalling. I've never really done it before, but i've noticed it's a great way to ease anxiety if i'm having an off day because once i've written everything down and it's sitting there on the page in-front of me, it's out of my head and it doesn't seem so bad anymore.
With slowing down I've been able to take more time to 'go within' and get to know myself better. Now is as good time as any to realise how to look after yourself and get in touch with your emotions! On top of the usual meditations and gratitude lists I collate, I've started journalling. I've never really done it before, but i've noticed it's a great way to ease anxiety if i'm having an off day because once i've written everything down and it's sitting there on the page in-front of me, it's out of my head and it doesn't seem so bad anymore.
Togetherness
How great is it that when you are out on your daily walks/runs/skips or whatever, there is such a sense of mutual togetherness when passing people in the street. The nods, smiles and hellos mean so much more now and I feel like everyone is appreciating any little bit of social interaction that little bit more. Which I think is great!
While running and I see all of the rainbows scribbled on pieces of paper stuck on the front windows of people's houses and teddybears being propped up on window ledges for the world to see. I can't help but have a boost in my morale just thinking about and physically seeing the unity & support this lockdown has encouraged in all of us.
While running and I see all of the rainbows scribbled on pieces of paper stuck on the front windows of people's houses and teddybears being propped up on window ledges for the world to see. I can't help but have a boost in my morale just thinking about and physically seeing the unity & support this lockdown has encouraged in all of us.
Books
I have always wanted to get back into reading but probably like a lot of people, never thought I 'had enough time'. There is so much escapism you can gain from a good book which makes isolation the perfect time to do so. I've finally been picking up those books that have been gathering dust on my shelf and losing myself completely in another world. I've loved it. So much so, I've joined a Book Club that one of my friends put together and it's definitely made me remember how incredible reading is. I'll definitely be taking this with me after the lockdown has completely eased off and vow to never let myself believe i'm too time-poor for it again!
I have always wanted to get back into reading but probably like a lot of people, never thought I 'had enough time'. There is so much escapism you can gain from a good book which makes isolation the perfect time to do so. I've finally been picking up those books that have been gathering dust on my shelf and losing myself completely in another world. I've loved it. So much so, I've joined a Book Club that one of my friends put together and it's definitely made me remember how incredible reading is. I'll definitely be taking this with me after the lockdown has completely eased off and vow to never let myself believe i'm too time-poor for it again!
Gratitude
All that's left to say is that like my last post on gratitude, the lockdown has taught us ultimate gratefulness for our 'normal' lives. It goes without saying that we are all grateful for the small things, with how much we want these small things back. Not just this though, there are things I used to take for granted which now, in lockdown, makes a normal day, a really great day. The weather for example. If it's the weekend and the sun is actually shining, jesus how great is that. I would NEVER have cared pre-lockdown, now I realise how these little things can have a huge impact day-to-day and in which I won't be taking for granted again!
I also believe one of the huge positives from the lockdown is that in some ways, it has forced people who look to external outlets for escapism and distraction from their normal lives, to actually just sit at home and look in the mirror. To slow down, look within and to assess what we are even doing with our lives and why we feel the need to be so busy all the time, what are we avoiding?...am I happy, am I in a rut, am I in a never-ending cycle of making the same decisions but expecting a different outcome, am I showing up everyday as the best version of me?
As a collective right now, we have had to surrender to the universe and to what it has in store for us. It's made us realise how much lack of control we really have over our lives and why, in a world full of uncertainty right now, you can be thankful for the things you are certain about. Your family, your friends, your hope, your love.
Ultimately. it should make us realise there is an easier way to live. Less stresses if we just focus less on the things we can't control. If we are grateful for the things we can. If we take each day as it comes and don't over analyse everything...we will be living in a much happier place.
Wow, well what a week it's been. Firstly let me say congratulations on us all completing our first full week in complete lockdown. The bizarreness of the situation is incomprehensible and the control that the government currently has over every family in the UK is eerily alike that of Gilead (One for The Handmaids Tale fans there). Okay, maybe not that bad...but you catch my drift! There is a hypothetical elephant in the room across the globe right now, whispering Coronavirus into every corner of the room and wreaking havoc on our mental and physical health.
Although I know that lockdown is the smartest thing to do within a crisis like this in order to prevent more deaths and strain on the NHS; I can't lie when I say that the anxiety of a strict lockdown rippled through me when I watched Ol' Boris make that announcement last Monday evening. Group chats on WhatsApp firing off and friends messaging me confirmed that I wasn't alone in this reaction. It's almost left me feeling like when that one naughty kid in class was acting up and so we would all have to stay behind at lunch. Damn you, James.
THREE WEEKS MINIMUM. Holy. shit.
THREE WEEKS MINIMUM. Holy. shit.
How on earth are we going to survive stuck in our houses for this long?
With only 1 form of outside exercise being permitted a day and the weekly trip to the local Tesco now being regarded as a huge treat, it was undoubtedly known that this was going to be a very, very, very weird time to be alive.
Nevertheless... being stripped of your daily routine and daily norm, not being able to go to work, the gym, out to see your friends and loved ones, has had a HUGE impact on the way we handle and have had to deal with our mental health during this time. I have never been more amazed and grateful for the love and support I have received from my friends and family over the last couple of weeks. I am also astounded at how, during a time like this, it truly is beautiful how as a collective, people in the UK have come together to shine bright for those who can't. Living in a world of utter uncertainty right now has ultimately created a national bond between all of us. A bond of support and love. (Call me cringey, I don't care hehe)
And that, is something I will forever be grateful for experiencing during this time.
I've seen so many people across social media that have said "they will never take their normal life for granted again" and "how grateful they will now be for their 'normal' lives once all this is over". Now, it's sad that it had to come to a global pandemic in order to get us all to wake up and realise how fucking good we have it (pre-Coronavirus), but alas, at least we are realising it.
Being grateful in the hardest and darkest times is the most powerful tool you can add into your daily routine. Gratitude isn't just some fluffy belief that isn't to be taken seriously, it's been proven in science to actually reduce aches, pains and uncomfortable ailments that you live with. Not only this, it obviously has multiple positive reactions in your mental wellbeing too, which has been proven to not only increase happiness but decrease depression. Which is why, during a time which is so easy to fall into a dark place, gratitude has never been so important.
Practicing gratitude is a powerful practice that can eliminate envy, greed, resentment and bitterness from your life and daily thoughts. The simple act of writing 5-10 things down that you are grateful for everyday can have an unbelievable impact to your mental health. We can't control time or the future but what we can control is what we feel today and everyday going forward.
How many of you have sat there and thought, god I can't wait until all this is over and to get my life back on track?....I can imagine the majority of you.
How crazy is it that we are now seeing and being grateful for things, only when they are taken away from us...Being able to go to the supermarket and buy everything you need because the shelves are fully stocked. Getting stressed out in a traffic jam on your way to work because there are too many cars on the road during rush hour. Being able to go and meet your friend on a Saturday morning for a run in the park and then getting a post-run hot drink from the coffee shop. Being able to go for a routine checkup at your local GP or hospital. Being pushed around and bumped into by drunk people on a night out in an overpacked bar. Getting home from work after a somewhat boring day, to make a boring dinner and to just sit around and watch boring crap TV with your family on just a very, very normal day.
How badly do you want all of that back?
Being grateful for every aspect in your life, invites more love, compassion and empathy into your life. It encourages more goodness to multiply and as a result has a direct correlation to how we treat others, how hard we work and how other people end up treating us.
We find ourselves in a pretty shitty situation right now, but one that we can still practice gratitude throughout. You are still alive, you are still here and healthy, you have an amazing NHS that are working around the clock to help those in need, you have FaceTime, House Party, Skype, Zoom, the list goes on of apps on your phone or tablet which keeps you in touch with your loved ones everyday. Heck, you even have a phone and/or a tablet to do this on! You have food in your fridge and a roof over your head. And I know that these are cliche statements that I'm sure you've heard before, but for gods sake, it's true. We are so lucky as a collective to have all of these things, because I am sure if these were to also ever be taken away from you, you wouldn't be too happy. We need to be grateful for all these things as it's painfully the sad case that others aren't as lucky to have them.
I honestly hope that this time, this weird pause that we have all received, makes us all take a step back, assess the way we handle and view life, how it impacts ourselves and each other and realise that this can be improved.
Make the most of your time at home, reconnect with family, play games, draw, write, get creative, dance, cook, clean, heck just watch a load of Netflix if that's what you want! Use this to reboot mentally and physically, realise how bloody amazing the people around you really are and how fantastic your life actually is.
I hope you all stay safe and well.
Lots of love,
Hannah xxx
The power of gratitude...
Wow, well what a week it's been. Firstly let me say congratulations on us all completing our first full week in complete lockdown. The bizarreness of the situation is incomprehensible and the control that the government currently has over every family in the UK is eerily alike that of Gilead (One for The Handmaids Tale fans there). Okay, maybe not that bad...but you catch my drift! There is a hypothetical elephant in the room across the globe right now, whispering Coronavirus into every corner of the room and wreaking havoc on our mental and physical health.
Although I know that lockdown is the smartest thing to do within a crisis like this in order to prevent more deaths and strain on the NHS; I can't lie when I say that the anxiety of a strict lockdown rippled through me when I watched Ol' Boris make that announcement last Monday evening. Group chats on WhatsApp firing off and friends messaging me confirmed that I wasn't alone in this reaction. It's almost left me feeling like when that one naughty kid in class was acting up and so we would all have to stay behind at lunch. Damn you, James.
THREE WEEKS MINIMUM. Holy. shit.
THREE WEEKS MINIMUM. Holy. shit.
How on earth are we going to survive stuck in our houses for this long?
With only 1 form of outside exercise being permitted a day and the weekly trip to the local Tesco now being regarded as a huge treat, it was undoubtedly known that this was going to be a very, very, very weird time to be alive.
Nevertheless... being stripped of your daily routine and daily norm, not being able to go to work, the gym, out to see your friends and loved ones, has had a HUGE impact on the way we handle and have had to deal with our mental health during this time. I have never been more amazed and grateful for the love and support I have received from my friends and family over the last couple of weeks. I am also astounded at how, during a time like this, it truly is beautiful how as a collective, people in the UK have come together to shine bright for those who can't. Living in a world of utter uncertainty right now has ultimately created a national bond between all of us. A bond of support and love. (Call me cringey, I don't care hehe)
And that, is something I will forever be grateful for experiencing during this time.
I've seen so many people across social media that have said "they will never take their normal life for granted again" and "how grateful they will now be for their 'normal' lives once all this is over". Now, it's sad that it had to come to a global pandemic in order to get us all to wake up and realise how fucking good we have it (pre-Coronavirus), but alas, at least we are realising it.
Being grateful in the hardest and darkest times is the most powerful tool you can add into your daily routine. Gratitude isn't just some fluffy belief that isn't to be taken seriously, it's been proven in science to actually reduce aches, pains and uncomfortable ailments that you live with. Not only this, it obviously has multiple positive reactions in your mental wellbeing too, which has been proven to not only increase happiness but decrease depression. Which is why, during a time which is so easy to fall into a dark place, gratitude has never been so important.
Practicing gratitude is a powerful practice that can eliminate envy, greed, resentment and bitterness from your life and daily thoughts. The simple act of writing 5-10 things down that you are grateful for everyday can have an unbelievable impact to your mental health. We can't control time or the future but what we can control is what we feel today and everyday going forward.
How many of you have sat there and thought, god I can't wait until all this is over and to get my life back on track?....I can imagine the majority of you.
How crazy is it that we are now seeing and being grateful for things, only when they are taken away from us...Being able to go to the supermarket and buy everything you need because the shelves are fully stocked. Getting stressed out in a traffic jam on your way to work because there are too many cars on the road during rush hour. Being able to go and meet your friend on a Saturday morning for a run in the park and then getting a post-run hot drink from the coffee shop. Being able to go for a routine checkup at your local GP or hospital. Being pushed around and bumped into by drunk people on a night out in an overpacked bar. Getting home from work after a somewhat boring day, to make a boring dinner and to just sit around and watch boring crap TV with your family on just a very, very normal day.
How badly do you want all of that back?
Being grateful for every aspect in your life, invites more love, compassion and empathy into your life. It encourages more goodness to multiply and as a result has a direct correlation to how we treat others, how hard we work and how other people end up treating us.
We find ourselves in a pretty shitty situation right now, but one that we can still practice gratitude throughout. You are still alive, you are still here and healthy, you have an amazing NHS that are working around the clock to help those in need, you have FaceTime, House Party, Skype, Zoom, the list goes on of apps on your phone or tablet which keeps you in touch with your loved ones everyday. Heck, you even have a phone and/or a tablet to do this on! You have food in your fridge and a roof over your head. And I know that these are cliche statements that I'm sure you've heard before, but for gods sake, it's true. We are so lucky as a collective to have all of these things, because I am sure if these were to also ever be taken away from you, you wouldn't be too happy. We need to be grateful for all these things as it's painfully the sad case that others aren't as lucky to have them.
I honestly hope that this time, this weird pause that we have all received, makes us all take a step back, assess the way we handle and view life, how it impacts ourselves and each other and realise that this can be improved.
Make the most of your time at home, reconnect with family, play games, draw, write, get creative, dance, cook, clean, heck just watch a load of Netflix if that's what you want! Use this to reboot mentally and physically, realise how bloody amazing the people around you really are and how fantastic your life actually is.
I hope you all stay safe and well.
Lots of love,
Hannah xxx
In light of what has happened recently with yet another celebrity being found hanged in their flat, I have felt so angry and frustrated about the situation that it's driven me to write another post. Not because I'm an expert but when you have personally been in the darkest times and somehow managed to come out of it, it makes me greatly saddened that some people just cannot see a way forward. Caroline Flack was found dead in her apartment on Saturday 15th February, whilst her friend had popped to the shops. So many questions go along with this, had she planned it, how long had she been thinking of doing this, was she always going to take her own life if the CPS came back and said they would pursue her case? It's difficult to know, but this accompanied with living her turmoil in the public eye and the trolling she faced online, was enough for anyone to begin accumulating negative thought patterns.
Over the course of the last 2 years, there have been multiple times where I feel so low that I cannot see a way out. I've thought about suicide too many times to count and thankfully that's all it was, thoughts. During the last few months of 2019, I took on a Mindfulness course and I truly believe that based on what I learnt and subsequently incorporated into my life during this time, it has completely changed my life. To think back to who I was over a year ago to now, the change is incomprehensible. Of course, there are still bad days, where I'm pissed off because nothing is going right. But, that is all they are...days. I know that whatever is going through my mind during those times is temporary. Whenever I feel low, I give myself a week. Just a week to ride it out and see how much changes within that time. If a week isn't long enough, give yourself a month. Always just give yourself more and more time and I can assure you things can get better. I practice feeling grateful and love for every aspect of my life, which has helped and encouraged me to feel empathy, patience and compassion for other people.
There is the saying floating around social media now off the back of one of Caroline's last Instagram posts, which is "In a world where you can be anything...be kind". I honestly believe that what the fuck is the point in being nasty to someone. Especially when it's hidden behind a computer screen, it's just cowardly. I'm fortunate enough to not have had to deal with much trolling but I can safely say, I have NEVER gone out of my way to put another person down or unnecessarily said anything horrible to another person in order to make them feel like shit. 'Cause what is the actual point? It wouldn't make me feel happy, it wouldn't please me, there isn't anything I would gain out of being unkind to another person. I read a post on @Megan_rose_lane Instagram the other day and her caption summed this up perfectly.
It was Wayne Dyer that said "When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out - because that's what's inside. When you are squeezed, what comes out is what's inside."
Which leads me to believe that people who get their kicks from spewing abuse at other human beings must be filled with anger, bitterness and sadness. A fulfilled, happy and content person doesn't have the capacity to hate on others. You squeeze them and nothing but love, patience and empathy comes out, because that's what's inside.
So to make the world a more loving place and really create a wave of massive change, we must encourage people to heal their shit. Dig deep, look at their trauma, handle their emotions and do the work required to become a good and compassionate human. We must talk about mental health non-negotiable. We must ask people how they are and refuse to take 'fine' for an answer. We need to help eachother, and pave the way by being more open, more vulnerable and more accepting of each other's personal struggles than ever before.
Unless you have had the chance to stand directly in someone else's shoes, shared their upbringing, know their fears and inner struggles and trauma - you have no right to judge them. You just don't. It's not your business. Work on your own shit, let them work on theirs, and unless you've got words of encouragement or a helping hand to reach out to them- say nothing.
Every time you judge someone, turn it around and ask yourself what that statement says about you - and carefully address what you need to heal in order to step it up and become a better version of yourself.
Now, there isn't much point to this blog if I'm completely honest. Other than I'm using it as a platform to vent. Given that my blog has now just reached over 100,000 views worldwide, I thought maybe if I discuss what I learnt, how I overcame dark times, then maybe it can help someone else reading this. What has happened to Caroline and unfortunately countless other people over the last few years, just SHOULD NOT BE HAPPENING. We need to unite more and overcome difficulties together instead of dragging each other down. We need to be mindful of how we act towards other people, how our words can come across. Be mindful of the fact that, yes if we're in a bad mood, there is absolutely no reason to take that out on anyone else.
Being more mindful in day to day life, has a knock on affect to every other aspect of your life. How you see yourself, how you treat others, your day-to-day mood, your work, relationships and so on. "Mindfulness is the awareness that emerges through paying attention on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgmentally to things just as they are." - Williams, Teasdale, Segal and Kabat-Zinn (2007)
For example, how many times have you been driving along and suddenly think oh fuck, I just switched off for the last 5 minutes and have been driving on auto-pilot...? In the same way, throughout our lives a similar auto-pilot can occur, without really noticing it as we aren't really "present". When we're on auto-pilot we are more likely to get pissed off about things, events around us and thoughts, feelings and sensations in the mind (of which we may be only dimly aware) can trigger old habits of thinking that are unhelpful and can lead to a worsening mood...By becoming more aware of our thoughts, feelings and body sensations from moment to moment (no matter how horrible), we give ourselves the possibility of greater freedom and choice. We do NOT have to go down the same old "mental ruts" that may have caused problems in the past. To do this, you need to practice a lot and increase awareness so that we can respond to situations with choice rather than react automatically. The first point of call for this is just noticing, over and over again. When you are on auto-pilot notice it, bring your attention back to how you feel, right now. Whenever you feel like shit, notice how that comes through in your body...racing heart, sweating palms, headaches? Just noticing this and accepting negative emotions can have an absolutely huge impact. Pushing these feelings away encourages more negative emotions to accumulate.
I know I have gone on about mediation far too much in other recent posts, but I cannot hammer it home enough of how important it is in training your brain to be more mindful in general daily living. People have told me "it's not for me" "I can't do it" "I can't clear my mind" but then still have anxiety and depression issues with ruminating thoughts a daily occurrence. I'm not saying mindfulness mediation can heal everything and everyone but every little helps, right?
When I first started, I said all the same things, but once I learnt that mediation wasn't about clearing your mind of all thoughts, becoming relaxed and all zen or whatever, it made it easier. I stopped putting pressure on myself and judging myself for not feeling a certain way whilst or after mediating and it soon became SO much more uncomplicated.
A powerful influence taking us away from being "fully present" in each moment is our automatic tendency to judge our experience as not being quite right in some way - thinking "that isn't what should be happening", "it's not good enough" or if it's not what we expected or wanted, these judgements can lead to sequences of thoughts about blame, what needs to be changed, or how things could or should be different. And so, more often than not, these thoughts will take us, quite automatically, down some fairly well-worn paths in our minds. This is how we may lose awareness of the moment and also the freedom to choose what, if any, action needs to be taken.
We can regain our freedom if, as a first step, we simply acknowledge the actuality of our situation, without automatically being hooked into automatic tendencies to judge, fix or want things to be different. I realised the key to doing this is literally just down to taking the time to notice how you're feeling, feeling all the sensations in your body, it's a time to notice how busy or quiet your mind is and if it is busy, what those thoughts are and why they are coming up so much. The more you do this, the less you end up on auto-pilot and 'react' instead of 'respond' to situations in your life. The more I worked on mindfulness; relaxation and a more calm exterior was just a natural result of it. I wasn't putting pressure on myself to have this result, but it just happened from putting in the work daily to understanding my own emotions. Once you let go of thinking there is a certain goal to be achieved from mindfulness and actually just realise it's noticing how things are as they are, you've cracked it.
Okay, so what if the things you are noticing you don't like? You're feeling hurt, ashamed, guilty for whatever reason. Gathering your scattered mind, honing in on your breathe and how this feels, accepting the feelings, gives you the power to progress. Tell yourself good things, no matter how ridiculous or how hard you find it to believe, the more you do it, the more you will believe it. You HAVE to be your own mascot and you cannot rely on anyone else to do this for you. You live in your own head, your WHOLE life. Why make it a hard place to be?
Learning to let go and just letting things be is super, super hard but once you can do this, everything else gets a little bit easier. If you find yourself facing some difficulty and you can see your mind is being drawn to a particular place, to particular thoughts, feelings or body sensations, take a deliberate step, a gentle and friendly awareness to whatever is pulling for our attention, noting the sense of being pulled again and again to the same place. Then we notice, as best we can, how we are relating to whatever is arising in the body & mind...Our reactions to our own thoughts and feelings may determine whether they are passing events or if they persist. Often, we can be with an arising thought, feeling or body sensation but in a non-allowing reactive way. If we like it, we may become attached to it, and try to hold onto it. If, on the other hand, we dislike it, because it's painful, unpleasant or uncomfortable in some way, we may be fearful or irritated, we might tense up and contract, or to try and push it away. Each and everyone of these responses is the opposite of allowing.
In order to do this, we need to let go of the idea that things should be different or trying to make things different. Allowing experiences means simply allowing space for whatever is going on, rather than trying to create some other state. (Segal, Williams, and Teasdale (2013). Through cultivating a willingness to experience, we settle back into awareness of what is already present. We let it be...we simply notice and observe what is already here. By doing this and without automatically or subconsciously pushing away negative feelings, we are able to encourage the negative feelings to subside. When we see them clearly, it helps prevent us from getting pulled into brooding and ruminating about them, or trying to suppress and avoid them. We can then begin the process of freeing ourselves from them and with that comes the possibility of responding skilfully and with compassion, rather than reacting.
One practice I've found super helpful, whenever my mind is becoming too cloudy or busy, is simply taking a 3-minute breathing space. Sit quietly for just 3 minutes, the first minute, simply notice what is happening right now, your thoughts, feelings and body sensations, even describe what is coming up and put your experience into words.
Second minute, redirect your attention to your breathe. Count the breathes. Sometimes I count 10 whole breaths and this really helps with concentration. Like, inhaling 1, exhaling 1, inhaling 2, exhaling 2 and so on up to 10.
During the third minute, expand your attention to the whole body. Become aware of your posture and facial expression and breathe into these regions. If you find any certain areas of tension or resistance, breathe into them.
I've done this enough times, to know that it does work. Taking a moment to gather your shit together really does help.
I truly hope that some of this rant has been somewhat helpful. Being kind isn't a chore, it never should be and it all can start with being mindful of how we are already acting and feeling. Let's take a step together towards being kinder, more empathetic and more compassionate people and maybe, (without trying to sound too Miss World right now) the world can be a better place.
All the best,
Hannah xx
Becoming mindful...
In light of what has happened recently with yet another celebrity being found hanged in their flat, I have felt so angry and frustrated about the situation that it's driven me to write another post. Not because I'm an expert but when you have personally been in the darkest times and somehow managed to come out of it, it makes me greatly saddened that some people just cannot see a way forward. Caroline Flack was found dead in her apartment on Saturday 15th February, whilst her friend had popped to the shops. So many questions go along with this, had she planned it, how long had she been thinking of doing this, was she always going to take her own life if the CPS came back and said they would pursue her case? It's difficult to know, but this accompanied with living her turmoil in the public eye and the trolling she faced online, was enough for anyone to begin accumulating negative thought patterns.
Over the course of the last 2 years, there have been multiple times where I feel so low that I cannot see a way out. I've thought about suicide too many times to count and thankfully that's all it was, thoughts. During the last few months of 2019, I took on a Mindfulness course and I truly believe that based on what I learnt and subsequently incorporated into my life during this time, it has completely changed my life. To think back to who I was over a year ago to now, the change is incomprehensible. Of course, there are still bad days, where I'm pissed off because nothing is going right. But, that is all they are...days. I know that whatever is going through my mind during those times is temporary. Whenever I feel low, I give myself a week. Just a week to ride it out and see how much changes within that time. If a week isn't long enough, give yourself a month. Always just give yourself more and more time and I can assure you things can get better. I practice feeling grateful and love for every aspect of my life, which has helped and encouraged me to feel empathy, patience and compassion for other people.
There is the saying floating around social media now off the back of one of Caroline's last Instagram posts, which is "In a world where you can be anything...be kind". I honestly believe that what the fuck is the point in being nasty to someone. Especially when it's hidden behind a computer screen, it's just cowardly. I'm fortunate enough to not have had to deal with much trolling but I can safely say, I have NEVER gone out of my way to put another person down or unnecessarily said anything horrible to another person in order to make them feel like shit. 'Cause what is the actual point? It wouldn't make me feel happy, it wouldn't please me, there isn't anything I would gain out of being unkind to another person. I read a post on @Megan_rose_lane Instagram the other day and her caption summed this up perfectly.
It was Wayne Dyer that said "When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out - because that's what's inside. When you are squeezed, what comes out is what's inside."
Which leads me to believe that people who get their kicks from spewing abuse at other human beings must be filled with anger, bitterness and sadness. A fulfilled, happy and content person doesn't have the capacity to hate on others. You squeeze them and nothing but love, patience and empathy comes out, because that's what's inside.
So to make the world a more loving place and really create a wave of massive change, we must encourage people to heal their shit. Dig deep, look at their trauma, handle their emotions and do the work required to become a good and compassionate human. We must talk about mental health non-negotiable. We must ask people how they are and refuse to take 'fine' for an answer. We need to help eachother, and pave the way by being more open, more vulnerable and more accepting of each other's personal struggles than ever before.
Unless you have had the chance to stand directly in someone else's shoes, shared their upbringing, know their fears and inner struggles and trauma - you have no right to judge them. You just don't. It's not your business. Work on your own shit, let them work on theirs, and unless you've got words of encouragement or a helping hand to reach out to them- say nothing.
Every time you judge someone, turn it around and ask yourself what that statement says about you - and carefully address what you need to heal in order to step it up and become a better version of yourself.
Now, there isn't much point to this blog if I'm completely honest. Other than I'm using it as a platform to vent. Given that my blog has now just reached over 100,000 views worldwide, I thought maybe if I discuss what I learnt, how I overcame dark times, then maybe it can help someone else reading this. What has happened to Caroline and unfortunately countless other people over the last few years, just SHOULD NOT BE HAPPENING. We need to unite more and overcome difficulties together instead of dragging each other down. We need to be mindful of how we act towards other people, how our words can come across. Be mindful of the fact that, yes if we're in a bad mood, there is absolutely no reason to take that out on anyone else.
Being more mindful in day to day life, has a knock on affect to every other aspect of your life. How you see yourself, how you treat others, your day-to-day mood, your work, relationships and so on. "Mindfulness is the awareness that emerges through paying attention on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgmentally to things just as they are." - Williams, Teasdale, Segal and Kabat-Zinn (2007)
For example, how many times have you been driving along and suddenly think oh fuck, I just switched off for the last 5 minutes and have been driving on auto-pilot...? In the same way, throughout our lives a similar auto-pilot can occur, without really noticing it as we aren't really "present". When we're on auto-pilot we are more likely to get pissed off about things, events around us and thoughts, feelings and sensations in the mind (of which we may be only dimly aware) can trigger old habits of thinking that are unhelpful and can lead to a worsening mood...By becoming more aware of our thoughts, feelings and body sensations from moment to moment (no matter how horrible), we give ourselves the possibility of greater freedom and choice. We do NOT have to go down the same old "mental ruts" that may have caused problems in the past. To do this, you need to practice a lot and increase awareness so that we can respond to situations with choice rather than react automatically. The first point of call for this is just noticing, over and over again. When you are on auto-pilot notice it, bring your attention back to how you feel, right now. Whenever you feel like shit, notice how that comes through in your body...racing heart, sweating palms, headaches? Just noticing this and accepting negative emotions can have an absolutely huge impact. Pushing these feelings away encourages more negative emotions to accumulate.
I know I have gone on about mediation far too much in other recent posts, but I cannot hammer it home enough of how important it is in training your brain to be more mindful in general daily living. People have told me "it's not for me" "I can't do it" "I can't clear my mind" but then still have anxiety and depression issues with ruminating thoughts a daily occurrence. I'm not saying mindfulness mediation can heal everything and everyone but every little helps, right?
When I first started, I said all the same things, but once I learnt that mediation wasn't about clearing your mind of all thoughts, becoming relaxed and all zen or whatever, it made it easier. I stopped putting pressure on myself and judging myself for not feeling a certain way whilst or after mediating and it soon became SO much more uncomplicated.
A powerful influence taking us away from being "fully present" in each moment is our automatic tendency to judge our experience as not being quite right in some way - thinking "that isn't what should be happening", "it's not good enough" or if it's not what we expected or wanted, these judgements can lead to sequences of thoughts about blame, what needs to be changed, or how things could or should be different. And so, more often than not, these thoughts will take us, quite automatically, down some fairly well-worn paths in our minds. This is how we may lose awareness of the moment and also the freedom to choose what, if any, action needs to be taken.
We can regain our freedom if, as a first step, we simply acknowledge the actuality of our situation, without automatically being hooked into automatic tendencies to judge, fix or want things to be different. I realised the key to doing this is literally just down to taking the time to notice how you're feeling, feeling all the sensations in your body, it's a time to notice how busy or quiet your mind is and if it is busy, what those thoughts are and why they are coming up so much. The more you do this, the less you end up on auto-pilot and 'react' instead of 'respond' to situations in your life. The more I worked on mindfulness; relaxation and a more calm exterior was just a natural result of it. I wasn't putting pressure on myself to have this result, but it just happened from putting in the work daily to understanding my own emotions. Once you let go of thinking there is a certain goal to be achieved from mindfulness and actually just realise it's noticing how things are as they are, you've cracked it.
Okay, so what if the things you are noticing you don't like? You're feeling hurt, ashamed, guilty for whatever reason. Gathering your scattered mind, honing in on your breathe and how this feels, accepting the feelings, gives you the power to progress. Tell yourself good things, no matter how ridiculous or how hard you find it to believe, the more you do it, the more you will believe it. You HAVE to be your own mascot and you cannot rely on anyone else to do this for you. You live in your own head, your WHOLE life. Why make it a hard place to be?
Learning to let go and just letting things be is super, super hard but once you can do this, everything else gets a little bit easier. If you find yourself facing some difficulty and you can see your mind is being drawn to a particular place, to particular thoughts, feelings or body sensations, take a deliberate step, a gentle and friendly awareness to whatever is pulling for our attention, noting the sense of being pulled again and again to the same place. Then we notice, as best we can, how we are relating to whatever is arising in the body & mind...Our reactions to our own thoughts and feelings may determine whether they are passing events or if they persist. Often, we can be with an arising thought, feeling or body sensation but in a non-allowing reactive way. If we like it, we may become attached to it, and try to hold onto it. If, on the other hand, we dislike it, because it's painful, unpleasant or uncomfortable in some way, we may be fearful or irritated, we might tense up and contract, or to try and push it away. Each and everyone of these responses is the opposite of allowing.
In order to do this, we need to let go of the idea that things should be different or trying to make things different. Allowing experiences means simply allowing space for whatever is going on, rather than trying to create some other state. (Segal, Williams, and Teasdale (2013). Through cultivating a willingness to experience, we settle back into awareness of what is already present. We let it be...we simply notice and observe what is already here. By doing this and without automatically or subconsciously pushing away negative feelings, we are able to encourage the negative feelings to subside. When we see them clearly, it helps prevent us from getting pulled into brooding and ruminating about them, or trying to suppress and avoid them. We can then begin the process of freeing ourselves from them and with that comes the possibility of responding skilfully and with compassion, rather than reacting.
One practice I've found super helpful, whenever my mind is becoming too cloudy or busy, is simply taking a 3-minute breathing space. Sit quietly for just 3 minutes, the first minute, simply notice what is happening right now, your thoughts, feelings and body sensations, even describe what is coming up and put your experience into words.
Second minute, redirect your attention to your breathe. Count the breathes. Sometimes I count 10 whole breaths and this really helps with concentration. Like, inhaling 1, exhaling 1, inhaling 2, exhaling 2 and so on up to 10.
During the third minute, expand your attention to the whole body. Become aware of your posture and facial expression and breathe into these regions. If you find any certain areas of tension or resistance, breathe into them.
I've done this enough times, to know that it does work. Taking a moment to gather your shit together really does help.
I truly hope that some of this rant has been somewhat helpful. Being kind isn't a chore, it never should be and it all can start with being mindful of how we are already acting and feeling. Let's take a step together towards being kinder, more empathetic and more compassionate people and maybe, (without trying to sound too Miss World right now) the world can be a better place.
All the best,
Hannah xx
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